Top tips for making screen time work for your family, not against it.
Screen time is such a contentious and personal topic and I believe that each family ultimately needs to decide on their own screen time guidelines. There are many official opinions about how many hours each age group should get when it comes to screen time, so I’m not going to go into that. The ultimate option would be no screen time, since children don’t need screens for any purpose. It’s adults that need the screens to keep our children occupied so we can get other things done. This isn’t to say that my guideline is for no screen time - that isn’t a realistic expectation and my own kids get plenty of screen time! It’s just to say, keep in mind that no matter what you think your child is ‘learning’ from screens, this will never beat what they can learn from playing, connecting with real people, using their hands and moving their bodies. What I’m providing here, is a guide for how to make screen time work for your family, rather than it becoming a source of tension, stand offs, tantrums and stress.
There are two important elements to focus on when it comes to screen time. The first is consistent boundaries and the second is about approaching screen time in a way that is respectful to your child.
Consistent boundaries
It is up to you as the parents to decide on the boundaries for screen time, and I believe that when there are clear boundaries in place, children become less obsessed with screen time because they know when they're going to get it. This means that parents have to do their part in upholding the boundaries too - while of course there is flexibility with offering screen time on the odd occasion that falls outside of the regular times, parents should try not to use screen time as a bargaining tool, reward or punishment. Decide on which screens are available, which days of the week, what time of day and for how long.
Limit screen time to TV only
One of my biggest recommendations is to limit screen time only to the TV - this means no screen time on phones or tablets. My reason for this is because it is much easier to enforce boundaries when it comes to screen time, when the screen is stuck to the wall and isn’t in your pocket. With a TV, it stays in one place, and the only way it gets turned on is with the remote. You can easily put the remote out of reach when it's not time for screen time, and this clear boundary helps children accept that it isn't time to watch TV right now.
Avoid screen time on phones and tablets
While phones and tablets are very convenient when it comes to keeping toddlers distracted or busy while you're out and about, it is almost impossible to hold boundaries with them because they’re always with you. Adults are always on their phones for different reasons, and it’s so hard for children to resist asking for your phone when they see it all the time. I know parents like to use phones to keep their toddlers busy during times like waiting at the doctors office, when you're out at a restaurant or in the car, but there are lots of easy screen free ways to keep your toddler engaged at these times, and if you start offering your phone at these times, it will be hard not to offer it more often when you want your child to be busy out of convenience. Screens aren’t just addictive for children, parents can get addicted to the ease of keeping their child placated -it’s a slippery slope so rather set the rule of no screen time on mobiles/tablets and only reach for it in an absolute emergency.
Be disciplined about the boundaries
When it comes to holding boundaries around screens, it’s actually harder work on the parents behalf than it is for the child. Because of the peace that screen time brings parents, it can be tempting to let another episode play when your child asks for one more. But if parents are wishy-washy about the boundaries about when the screen is available and for how long, it will get very confusing for your toddler and they’re more likely to make a big fuss when you say no.
Communicate the boundaries to your toddler clearly and confidently. That means that you need to decide on what the boundaries are. This is unique to each family and your needs. You might say that they are only allowed to watch TV in the morning once they’re dressed, or for quiet time in the middle of the day, or in the late afternoon before dinner. There might be different rules for weekdays and weekends which is ok too. Whatever you decide on, stick to it and don’t give in when your child gets upset about you saying ‘no’. They’ll quickly learn that you mean what you say, and will move on to play with something else.
This also doesn’t mean you can’t add on some additional screen time when you really need it - use it as the powerful tool it is, in a thoughtful and purposeful manner. Travelling for long distances, sick kids/parents or other extenuating circumstances mean more screen time is allowed, but just remember to get back to your normal screen time boundaries once you’re back to regular life.
Get everyone on board
It’s also really helpful if all close family members are on board with similar boundaries, otherwise it can get confusing for your toddler when the rules change when they’re with different people. The addiction level of screens is so high, that they’ll immediately be asking grandpa for his phone as soon as he walks through the door, rather than being excited to spend time together.
Being respectful to your child
This might sound super confusing when it comes to screens, but if you think about how addicted we all are to screens and how hard it is to take our eyes off our screens, just imagine how hard that self control is for little kids. We can’t possibly expect them to have that kind of self control, so we need to help them with this by approaching screen time in a respectful way.
Turning off the TV
Imagine if you were in the middle of watching a movie, totally relaxed and enjoying yourself and someone came over and turned the TV off. I’m pretty sure you’d be quite angry at that person!
The same goes for children. Make sure you give them warning about when the screen is going to be turned off - ‘after this episode we’re turning the TV off’, and try not to interrupt them in the middle of a movie/show (this means choosing something that is the right length for the time you’ve got). When it’s time to turn off the TV, I’ve found that it’s helpful to give your toddler power to turn it off themselves. Hand them the remote and then show them which button to use to turn it off. If they don’t turn it off or start to play around you set the boundary “It’s time to turn off the TV. Either you can do it yourself or I’ll do it.” And if they don’t do it, then you turn it off yourself and put the remote away.
Choose shows thoughtfully
The other element of respecting your child through screen time is which shows/movies you allow them to watch. The shows that children watch have a big impact on them - the content of the show can teach them things you might not want them to learn. The level of aggression and violence might be way too advanced for their age, or there might be scary elements which will create fears and anxiety.
High vs low stimulation shows
It’s also important to keep in mind which shows are ‘low stimulation’ and which are ‘high stimulation’. Shows that are ‘high stimulation’ are created to be highly addicting to children. They have very bright colours, the frames move very fast and the sounds are intense. These shows are more addictive to young children, which makes it harder to turn them off. Children also get more ‘sucked in’ to these shows and as they sit motionless on the couch, their sensory system is being flooded by the stimuli. This is often what leads to the big meltdown when screentime is done, as well as more erratic behaviour afterwards. Coocomelon is the worst culprit of this, especially since it's aimed at very young children.
It’s best to expose your child to more low stimulating shows which have softer colours, less intense audio, and slower and more gentle storylines. SeeLow stimulating TV/Movie list below for a list of my favourite ‘low stimulation’ shows. There’s even a feature on Netflix where you can hide certain shows so that your toddler isn’t screaming for it when they see the icon. Many of the most popular TV shows which are purposefully marketed to young toddlers are totally inappropriate from a developmental perspective, so it's ok for you to hide these shows and encourage your toddler's interest in shows that are more appropriate for them.
Also, a word of warning if you have a toddler who is sensitive to getting scared - basically all of the Disney movies that our generation grew up on have some very intense and scary elements, so choose wisely! They also all have villains in the storyline which really isn’t necessary for such young children.
Set the scene
In some homes it's very normal to have the TV on all day - playing the news, sports, kids shows etc. Be aware that having the TV on in the background can be very distracting to toddlers. Even if the TV is playing something uninteresting to them, they'll be drawn to the images - pulling them out of their focused play and causing them to become distracted. This is an example of how our environments can be detrimental to children's developing attention spans, as the draw of the TV is too great for a child to resist. Be mindful of when the TV is on, especially if the content of the TV isn't intended for little eyes and ears.
Apps and Games
Another element of screen time to address is that of apps and games. Children under 5 do not need to be playing games on devices. There’s no need for them to be learning anything academic (letters, numbers etc) from apps, and all their brains and bodies need is to be playing in the real world. Again, the addictiveness of these games is built into their design - as the app developers purposefully create the games to release dopamine and keep children hooked. I’ve even seen some children unable to do a simple puzzle in real life because they expect the piece to just wiggle itself into the right spot like it does on an iPad. When children become accustomed to the high levels of reward and stimulation from playing on a device, it can be harder for them to focus and play for long stretches of time with real toys because their brain is seeking more stimulation than the real world provides. Once again, save any kind of digital games for absolute emergency situations, rather than for the every day. Children’s brains need to be bored and simmering on a lower frequency in order for them to develop problem solving, creativity, resilience and persistence - all vital skills for a growing child.
So there you have it, when it comes down to screens make sure they’re working for you and not against you. Decide on your screen time boundaries, and communicate these clearly to your child. Believe in your child’s ability to manage the boundaries you set for them around screens, and their innate ability to keep themselves busy in a screen free environment.
Low stimulating TV/Movie list
Winnie the pooh (original version - there are a few in this series and they’re all great!) (Disney)
Trash Truck (Netfilx)
Daniel Tiger (Netfilx)
Play School (ABC iView)
The Snowy Day (Netflix)
If you Give a mouse a cookie (Amazon Prime)
Bluey (ABC iView)
Llama Llama (Netflix)
Little Bear (Apple TV)
Thomas the Tank Engine (Netflix)
Tumble leaf (Amazon Prime)
Puffin Rock (Netflix)
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