Before we begin I must start with a very clear disclaimer - I am not a nutritionist, I am not a dietitian and I am not a medical professional. My thoughts and opinions on toddler mealtimes are based on my knowledge and experience of toddler development. Throughout this blog, I’ll be sharing information and tips about typically developing toddlers who have no medical issues such as poor weight gain or any kind of deficiencies. I’ll also be referring to fussy eating, which does not include children with diagnosed feeding issues. If you have any concerns about your toddler’s food intake, growth or health please consult the appropriate medical professional.
Did you know that up to 50% of parents report that their toddlers are fussy eaters? If you have a toddler at home, this probably won’t shock you, since mealtimes with toddlers can be one of the most frustrating experiences.
You’ve worked so hard sourcing only organic ingredients, preparing a perfectly balanced nutritious meal…. You deliver it on a silver platter to your darling toddler and….
“I don’t like this!” “I want plain pasta!” “I want something else” “I want a green spoon!” “My banana’s broken!” “I want to go and play” “Cut my toast in triangles not squares!”
Just a few of the common complaints and requests you might hear from your average toddler in response to basically any food you serve them.
Feeding toddlers is stressful, I get it. You’ve emerged from the baby stage where basically the most important thing is to make sure your baby is full, so that they’ll grow properly and most importantly so that they’ll sleep! When you’re feeding your baby, you have all the control. You can choose exactly what they eat and how much and then toddlerhood begins and wham!! Suddenly your toddler is turning their nose up at everything you give them and having very strong opinions on their meal plan. It’s no surprise that parents freak out about their toddler not eating enough, since they’re basically conditioned by (well meaning) doctors and society during babyhood to make sure their child is always full to the brim with nutritious milk and food.
You immediately begin the natural response to any kind of food refusal…. Pressuring, bribing, making another meal, distracting with TV, only serving food you know they’ll eat…. All of the most common parental responses to trying to get their child to eat. But what parents are forgetting is that the number one rule a toddler must follow if they’re going to be a good toddler is…. If your parent really wants you to do something, do the opposite! This means that the more you pressure, coerce and push your toddler to eat, the more they’ll slam on the breaks and refuse. Just as toddlers crave autonomy and control in other parts of their day, mealtimes are no exception.
A couple of things to keep in mind before we dive into some tips on making mealtimes more successful.
Toddlers’ appetites vary hugely from meal to meal and day to day. They can actually get by on a very small amount of food, so trust that they will eat if they’re hungry. It helps to look at their nutrition in a broader sense of what they’re consuming over the course of a week, as opposed to looking at each meal in isolation. Some days or meals they might not have much of an appetite and then other times they’ll finish their whole plate and ask for seconds.
Something that was a huge light bulb moment for me was when I learned that after a child is about 1 year old, their sleep is no longer affected by their hunger as it is with younger babies. I think that a lot of parents stress about their child eating enough because they’re scared it will affect their sleep, but this just isn’t the case once they reach toddlerhood. Even if your toddler is saying they’re hungry after you put them to bed, know that this is them trying to procrastinate at bedtime, not a true bid for food.
It’s totally normal for toddlers to become fussy and more selective with their food choices. It’s actually a part of evolution that they start to decide what they will and won’t eat. If your toddler’s become fussy recently, don’t label them a “fussy eater”, rather just accept this as a part of normal toddler development and know that this is a stage, just like everything else in parenting.
Now onto the good stuff.. Some small but mighty tips for mealtimes with toddlers
Tip 1: Take the pressure off
Don’t pressure your child to eat anything, remember the division of responsibility when it comes to mealtimes. You decide what is being served and when mealtimes will be and your toddler gets to decide what and how much they want to eat. Parents get really stressed if their children don’t eat a lot at a meal, mostly because one of the biggest enemies of parents is a hungry child. Trust that your child will eat as much as they need to. It’s a good idea to try not be very reactive or quick to respond at mealtimes. If your child isn’t eating, don’t rush to take the plate away or move onto the next thing. Often if you just leave the food there, they might eventually eat something. Slowing down the pace of mealtimes helps them to be more successful - giving your toddler time to transition from playtime to mealtime, sorting through what’s on the plate, how their body feels, take everything in.
When parents innocently say things like “just one bite”, “taste it, it’s delicious!” or “you need to eat 3 bites of meat” - toddlers feel the pressure, which takes away from their autonomy. Toddlers hate to feel pressure, so even if they were going to eat something, now they’re less likely to because eating has become another battle of wills. And by the way, even saying positive things like “you're eating so well!” contributes to the pressure since they know you’re only praising them when they eat so rather try to avoid any comments on whether your child is or isn’t eating. Feigning indifference is the way to go, while you silently celebrate every bite of chicken. You might bring your child’s attention to the food or what they’re eating by commenting in a non judgemental way ‘I can hear your carrots crunching when you eat them’ or ‘your broccolini looks like a very tall tree!’
It’s also important to have appropriate expectations for your toddler’s meal. Be aware that often when you have changes to your child’s environment, they are less likely to eat their usual amount. For example, when you have guests over for a meal, or you’re eating at someone else’s house, when you’re away on holiday or if there are lots of distractions. Give in to these disruptions and try not to stress about what your child has or hasn’t eaten. They’ll get back to their normal once their routine is re-established, so don’t spend an evening chasing your child around with their food. Also be aware that at special events your toddler might be so excited about the cookies, cakes and chocolates that they only want to eat that. My advice is that it's not worth fighting with them about how much of these foods they can eat, when they're at a special event. As long as they have a varied and balanced diet most of the time, let them explore these foods without judgement. When you're out and about sit back and enjoy!
Tip 2: Be playful
Because a toddler views everything through the lens of play, a great way to encourage your toddler to eat without pressure is to engage your toddler with their food in fun ways. Some examples that work well are things like: “ Can you find a big daddy broccoli or a teeny tiny baby broccoli?” or “How many peas can you fit on your fork?” or “My carrots are making such a loud crunchy sound when I eat them! Are yours loud too?” Another favourite for toddlers is to do “cheers” with their food and yours. When you eat your bite after the cheers, they’ll most likely copy you.
Tip 3: Give your toddler some power!
Toddlers thrive on being given control, so let them help set the table, bring the food to the table or choose what drink everyone will have. During the meal, if they complain about not liking the food, problem solve ways THEY can make it better. Whether that be sprinkling a topping on top or getting a sauce to dip the food in. Involving your toddler in food preparation can also help them be more invested in the meal, and they might even try a few veges while they’re helping too!
Tip 4: Set clear boundaries
Be clear on the boundaries around mealtimes. If your toddler says they don’t want what’s on offer, or they request something else it’s important that you hold the boundary saying “that’s not on the menu for dinner tonight. We can have that tomorrow”. If you start to offer alternatives or give in to their requests, you’re setting a new precedent of your toddler being allowed to reject what you’ve made. Because toddlers love to test boundaries, if you give in to their requests, they’ll keep going with more refusals and more requests.. Even if they actually like what’s on offer. It will become a game of power, rather than it actually being about the food.
Tip 5: Relax and have fun
Keep a fun and relaxed energy at the table. As much as possible, sit with your toddler during mealtimes. Even better if you can eat the same food they’re eating. Sometimes I chop up some fresh veges to snack on if I’m not eating the meal at the same time. Avoid the urge to comment on what they are or aren’t eating, put on some music that you love, and relax! Parents are often so concerned with the lasting effects of healthy food for their child, that they forget about the lasting effects of stressful mealtimes which are much more sinister. When children feel relaxed and happy, they will have positive associations with mealtimes and food in general, rather than associating mealtimes with pressure, stress and big emotions.
Remember, at the end of the day, you need to be playing the long game. It’s not about how many vegetables or proteins your toddler is eating now. What’s really important is that your toddler grows up to be an adult who has a positive and joyful relationship with food.
Some helpful tips to keep in mind around mealtimes:
If your toddler is in a 'no veges' phase, continue to serve vegetables in a range of forms regardless of if they eat it. Repetition is key, and if its not available then they won't have a chance to try it. Since you might be worried that your child is lacking the nutritional benefits from vegetables, you might want to 'hide' some vegetables in their food (e.g. pumpkin puree mixed into their pasta sauce), but at the same time keep exposing them to vegetables that they can see, so that they will eventually choose to eat those vegetables and won't need them to be disguised anymore. Also I've found that if parents are hiding some vegetables in their child's food, they're more relaxed at mealtimes which has a run on affect to the whole meal. Also don't forget that a lot of fruits have similar nutrition to vegetables so if your toddler isn't a huge fan of capsicum but will eat a whole punnet of strawberries, they're still getting amazing benefits.
Any kind of engagement with a new food/ a food they usually don't eat it helpful for eventually getting them to eat it in the long run. So whether that be touching it, licking it, smelling it - even just tolerating it on their plate is a huge step!
Make sure your toddler is actually hungry at mealtimes and hasn't been snacking throughout the day, reducing their appetite when it comes to mealtimes. It's a reasonable boundary to tell your toddler 1 hour before a meal that there are no more snacks until dinner time.
Don't chase your toddler around with food! It's so tempting to follow your child giving them bites as they play, but if you do this, you're setting them up with the expectation that they don't need to come to the table to eat, and the mealtime struggles will continue.
Don't compare your child to anyone else while they're eating - see how well your sister's eating? Why don't you have some meatballs like your friend. This will bring shame and judgement to mealtimes, further complicating your toddler's thoughts about whether or not they'll comply.
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